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fri 09-26-97 today i start my journal. we'll see how it goes. some worry about the quality of entries. journal as art form? thoreau's was, and adams, emerson, others.

walking to work today at sewall st there were a man and driver arguing. the car jumped and the man jumped back. the car moved and slowed. the driver may have say something else, because the man threw his coffee at the car, spilling most of it in front himself. it didn't reach. i managed to avoid gettng mad. progress.

a flash of lightning in the dark of night by the dalai lama has been talking about anger in the chapter on patience.

Anger is worse than any ordinary enemy. Of course, ordinary enemies harm us; that is why we call them enemies. But the wrong they do us is intended to help themselves or their friends, not just to make us unhappy. On the other hand, the inner enemy, anger, has no other function than to destroy our positive actions and make us suffer.

h called e to ask about namespaces. when e said would come over h said joy joy. e doesn't visit often. d came over after lunch. has only been working on the emulator a week and has gotten a lot done. had some problems with fonts, colors, and different compiler versions. i have been working on this project since february and got stuck when i couldn't get borland to do tcp/ip. we hired d to convert it to visual. d finally met h.

got little done on the restore script. stayed to work on my page. found another picture of anne sofie and some links for cd's. craving fish on the way home, burger king too far, so stopped to get frozen and potato chips. ineatable. had planned to go to dance friday to see what barefoot dance was but didn't since it was late. sits and rises don't feel right on the new tai chi movement. could only hear anne sofie on two short verses of mozart's requium. fell asleep to the mahler.

sat 09-27 started my journal today. it did strange things to my head. i don't normally try and fit words to my thoughts and experience and found i couldn't stop.

on commonwealth on a low fence in front of an apartment building, sunlight on morning glories. other flowers behind. i was surprised. suzuki zen buddhism p 271

Oh, the morning-glory.
The bucket made captive,
I beg for water
on the cart in front of the book annex i thought there were some of the books i gave to boston latin, except some of them were books i kept. found some more von otter discs. hope i am not obsessing again. i am actually listening to them. found some at tower in boston, had fish at burger king, the fries were nice and crunchy, then found more at tower in harvard square. discovered i had left my credit card at the first store. walked back to get it, then asked for change for the bus. person could not open the register. had a credit card sale and it didn't open. had a cash sale and forgot. finally. young asian at the bus stop. sky getting dark, lights in the windows seemed to get brighter. couple with small child joins us, child wandering around. just as the first person gives up and starts walking, the bus shows up.

retrieved second set of discs and on the way home by the charles below a clear evening sky i hear honking and see several canadian geese flying low over the river. more honking and a lone goose follows the others.

was happy to find the discs, but it didn't give me the rush it would have not too long ago. progress. didn't get mad about leaving the card but was still upset. if i hadn't left it i wouldn't have seen the geese.

sun 09-28 response from e.

two concerts, cello at three and flute at eight. the flute was modern and included zorn's carny for solo piano. the old lady behind me kept rattling her program and called it a lot of noise. i couldn't tell. i was too distracted. lack of progress.

mon 09-29 rainy this morning, thought it would be cold, was warm and humid.

wanted to get some work done so didn't get on the the net. got script working, need to test it. j installed visual 4.2, had trouble finding space, put it on g:, moved stuff off c:, need it for d's version of emulator. got it to compile, loop back worked but serial didn't. listed to von otter's swedish songs. y agreed it was warm.

clear and cooler. red maple leaves on the sidewalk already. stopped for bagels on the way home, two with peanut butter, sat like a lump again. the sesame was small and fat, didn't think it would fit the toaster. maybe i should ask for flatter ones. bought a piece of carnelian. with the smooth round shape, clear red orange color, and red marks in it, it looks like a living thing. had liked the lapis and carnelian necklace with a small brass goddess figure and a tag that said the stones where sacred to ishtar. put the stone with my lapis. at class v talked of using deja vu in psychic work, deliberately breaking sequence of events to prevent something.

tai chi after meditation works well.

tue 09-30 sunlight on feet during shoulder stand.

v talked about dreams and journals last night. woke up early from a strange dream, had to fit words to it first, because as soon as i start writing it's gone. last time i dreamed about the houses they were summer cottages, this time there was snow. climbing up the snow to the front of a house and the beginning of a long wide metal slide. going down the slide and off the jump at the end to a tall swaying yellow metal tower. couldn't get down, swinging from the tower back to the slide, landing part way up and trying not to slide back down. previous dreams of finding houses or apartments i still own or rent but have forgotten about, with my stuff still in them. behind or above other people's places.

trying to play my new discs softly enough not to wake anyone.

h bought the soundtrack of a modern setting of romeo and juliet had just seen, was impressed with how well the words fit. i mentioned a mcbeth set in africa, the three witches a shaman, drug addict, and a woman driven mad by horror. h spoke of different levels of perception, how anger moves you to a different place, and someone who gets mad is considered insane. v spoke last night levels of perception used in psychic and magic work, material, emotion, thought, spirit, and beyond.

cranberry muffin for lunch. i think there are two bakers, one of whom puts sugar on them. won't eat those. chili and lime chips and rice and beans for supper. should have known i would eat the whole bag.

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