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wed 10-01-97 no dc comix today, instead they had tangent. liked the joker, nice art, some funny bits. also got secret six, like the plastic man character.

cold walking to tai chi. corrected parts of a previous movement, new movement ends in a meditation posture. can't hold it long, or my right wrist hurts.

thu 10-02 from flash of lighning,

What is endeavor? It is finding joy in doing what is good. To do that, it is necessary to remove anything that counteracts it, especially laziness. Laziness has three aspects: having no wish to do good, being distracted by negative activities, and underestimating oneself by doubting one's ability.
h asked about synchronicity. was reading blade runner and the person who played the character was reading about in the movie appeared on television on x files. i said it happened to me all the time, was relieved.

at thornton's with l and h, and l, and e, and s. l said police stopped bus turning left from center lane, from brookline south onto longwood, two cars with lights flashing pulled in front and behind. they were waiting. l said was glad we were laughing before came in. g walked by outside, h went out. was on way to recruit someone for orchestra, is mostly mit students, gives a concert in the summer. young, talented, and not lazy. l ate some of my french fries, and e. i asked only one, what's wrong with them, but only ate one more. s taped some of the talk. made plans to transcibe it here, but won't seem as funny.

listened to emma kirkby time stands still. bought it sunday, like it better now. thought i would try someone else, did cantata 51 on gardner's magnificat disc.

fri 10-03 have been reading flash of lighting in the morning, three or four pages, have missed some days. started again on hayden carruth the sleeping beauty at night, one long poem or one hundred twenty five short poems.

Half-turned, as if reluctant, the lady of water
Looks upwards always, yet with gaze averted,
Gentle, unadmonishing, but grave..
had been listening to von o instead, such a voice must have spiritual value.

response from k, strange look from h.

used the rain as an excuse skip dance friday. sounds good, am afraid i won't like it, should just go.

sat 10-04 listening to von o's sibelius this morning. the mahler and strauss did not seem strange to me, was surpised this did, yelling and parts almost spoken, in short songs.

overcast, a red squirrel in the tree out back, big as a gray, sitting on the branch facing away with its tail hanging down. had not seen a red here before.

horse chestnuts and acorns and wallets bouncing in the street. credit cards everywhere. to cover the cost of your petrol. so what is it with the credit cards, why does it involve walking, and why don't i feel good about it?

sun 10-05 woke to the sound of rain. lightpaths, flash of lighting

Who do you think our little jokester is? I mean, the source code was all object-driven stuff taken from the net coordinator, the VAJRA. That's always clean.

The Sutra of the Vajra Banner speaks about firmness, or self-confidence, in these terms: "When the sun rises, it shines over the whole world, regardless of people's blindness"

asked for an apple turnover, got raspberry. i hate raspberry. let it go, small progress.

ok, so i am obsessed, out searching for more von otter discs, yesterday and today, feel a warm rush when i see name, let down when it's one i have. got the kirkby disc i didn't get yesterday, rival queens with bott. in withdrawl.

falafel at sami's. got started on them, and carrot cake, in toronto. warm and sunny, street by the river blocked off for skaters. don't have table talk pies at stop and shop, did before, got another brand, apple.

boil one cut up red potato in salted water two minutes. add one third package italian vegetables and some peas, return to boil, add three quarters cup pasta twists. unless you are going senile and don't remember how you've been doing it for the last fifteen years, in which case add the twists first. boil seven or six and one half minutes. drain for two minutes, return to pan. add newman's, salt, pepper, basil, chives. mix, let sit four minutes. serves one.

mon 10-06 early morning sun on the black and white clothes in the gap window.

Guinnevere drew pentagrams like yours, mi'lady,
like yours.
pentacle, absorbs and dissipates negative energy. i originally bought mine for protection. had been using the ankh instead. stars on plates. six dimensional cubes.
Stars in my Pocket like Grains of Sand

there are heros in the seaweed
there are children in the morning

Don't prod the
beach rubble

we're all mad here

tue 10-07 eliot
Six o'clock.
The burnt-out ends of smoky days.

Whispering lunar incantations
Dissolve the floors of memory
And all its clear relations

I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

laundry on tue. figure it will be less crowded than thu to mon, wed is comix. got there half an hour later than usual, more people. across the street for a candy bar. buddhism on a time cover. wanted four dryers, got three. sitting in the front window, glass on two sides, aphrodite in a parish sky, street lights on thinning trees, moon nearing first quarter. headlights getting brighter, traffic through the reflection of an orange tee shirt folding laundry. suspicious face an older version of one eight years old and smiling, narrow with blue eyes. runner waiting for the light. two dogs, one brown one black, walking on leads. man with briefcase and small duffel looks away. writing notes.

don't want the words to determine what i see. should help me to be aware, use the words to see what is beyond words. they hold such a small part of the experience. more than three lines this time.

Any man has to, needs to, wants to
Once in a lifetime, do a girl in.

I gotta use words when I talk to you

wed 10-08 pound
Aye, I, Acoetes, stood there,
0000 and the god stood by me,
Water cutting under the keel,
Sea-break from stern forrards,
0000 wake running off from the bow,
And where was gunwhale, there now was vine-trunk,
And tenthril where cordage had been,
0000 grape-leaves on the rowlocks,
Heavy vine on the oarshafts,
And, out of nothing, a breathing,
0000 hot breath on my ankles,
Beasts like shadows in glass,
0000 a furred tail upon nothingness.
mostly done with the poetry, had some bits i wanted to put somewhere, not enough for a page, may add charge of the goddess. only have a few of my own, not very good but they mean a lot to me, don't want people thinking ill of them.

had been waiting for kabuki skin deep 4 but story from 3 is continued in kabuki 1 instead, much review but some new stuff, beautiful book. mage 3 develops story nicely. hawk and dove 2 has nice characters and art, weak story. not enough in creeper 1 to tell if it will be good, have always liked the character. tangent nightwing was satisfying, glad i got it but no desire to pick up more of this group. nightwing 15 was the only one of my regular titles this week. dc had gimmick covers this week, closeup of the main character's face and the title not in the usual logo. didn't like them. the cover should tell a story in itself like a baroque painting, or at least say something. the cover of mage just had the three characters standing there, no background, but said something about each in the pose.

cooler. no tai chi today, don't know if i'm doing the new movement right. when b has been adjusting my posture in class i think has been releasing my energy centers, said something about this first class. have been trying to remember what it felt like and do the same thing myself during practice, meditation, and just standing. first class did my lower back, second class mentioned was still released. possible progress.

restless, used to interpret this feeling as something about to happen, nothing ever did, disturbing but not as much as it once was. may have something to do with energy movement. feel the need to eat to suppress it, try not to. meditation helps. used to use hot baths. admire c and b for their self improvement, went through it once, know it's possible, and difficult. so difficult i have pretty much stayed at my targent weight out of fear of having to go through it again.

thu 10-09 overcast, then clearing. there are red leaves now with the green and yellow. fewer days i wear sneakers.

tangent nightwing has only dark magic, even the tantra. flash of lightning p 90

If we behave like them, we will not achieve anything for ourselves, and it will be impossible for us to benefit them. One minute they are our friends, the next they turn against us. However hard we try, it is difficult to please them. And when we do not listen to them, they become angry.
lunch at thornton's with h and j, warn enough to sit outside. should not have had the swiss on the chicken and avocado sandwich. two guys mucking about the fens in a zodiac, large box in front, flat box towed behind, holding up a white disk on a yellow stick, lots of bubbles rising from their poling, us geological survey in white on orange on their backs. up babcock to star market for two peanut cookies and bagels. may be about the same distance as stop and shop.

digging through the stack of books by my bed, a few books down i find ryokon zen monk-poet of japan, from mcintyre & moore 08-16, used.

Kaze maze ni 0000 Mingling with the wind
i got through most of three books on japanese, a few pages a day, stopped when i moved last year. with the translation next to it, i can recognize a few words. kaze wind, mizu water. it is a beautiful language.

fri 10-10 shantideva, solomon, blake

And fix this firmly in your understanding:
All that may be wished for will fade naturally to nothing.

What does man gain from all his labor
0000 at which he toils under the sun?
Generations come and generations go
0000 but the earth remains forever.

Of what in truth is nothing but a heap of bones,
Devoid of self, wothout its own existence..
The mind of the one you love so much
Eludes your touch; this mind you cannot see.

Eternity is in love with the productions of time.
The lust of the goat is the bounty of God.
The nakedness of woman is the work of God.
The soul of sweet delight can never be defil'd.

just found out the emulator need to do telenet negotiation. was supposed to be done next week. yesterday's lunch i bought before we decided to go out, salad from the fridge and corn muffin.

moon circle, air meditation. last of the elements, seth reading it this time, missed earth because i had the beeper, left it home. while on the north side of the mountain, noonday sun glinted off the raven standing before me. discovered the mountain was not as steep as i thought.

ate another bagel and three hermits when i got home, felt i had to, not excessive but too much, fell asleep early. i like von o's songs of a wayfarer.

sat 10-11 out back low maples, leaves edged with yellow. above clear. between the buildings, low clouds off to the east above the water. a seagull circles high in the rosy light.

warm and sunny. to walden pond. had been beeped a couple times and not able to help, as usual. not good. too many stupid tourists, all we have is this trail map, it doesn't have a number this is the main gate, north lot closed others crowded. don't like little kids, or maybe it's their parents, taking pictures and not looking, talking of other things, agreeing it's not fair.

the water by thoreau's cove, rustle in the brush, big fish little fish, curled leaves and water bugs skittering across the surface, chipmunk. better. to ice fort cove, twisted broken tree with bright dark red leaves. back, stop on some rocks at fence opening, deep, tempted to swim, don't want to be cold, swam last oct. someone out there, swimming the length, arms coming up, mean i should or don't have to? planes. scribbling. seed clusters held in three dimensions on moving branches low over the water. water's lovely, dark and deep, miles and promises.

to concord, stop on thoreau st, not close, find soy margarine i needed. drive to center, traffic. out back window of barrow's books, seen through gaps in board fence, humungus crow in enclosed park next door, walks to brick path i can see. at books with a past find roethke's collected poems. p 65

We went by the river.
Water birds went ching. Went ching.
Stepped in wet. Over stones.
parked at end of line of cars, not at end when i got back.

home. star market, three peanut cookies and cranberry scone at three. no cd's, find first three books in kurtz' adept series that v recomended mon, very good.

sun 10-12 found i had sissors, paint brush, shells and superman pin around parcheesi piece. h says burger king makes sick, may have a point. one near bu ok so far, maybe because they don't make the fish ahead, i have to wait. warm again, watching the students go by, sunlight through round green and yellow tree backed by dark brick buildings. girl taking picture of sun on pond scum through concrete railing by fens. looking for von o's other zemlinsky disc, sort of hoping i don't find it.

family tree discussion, what and how to tell others of your life style. depends on how needful and ready, dynamics, wish to share. some situations require appearance of conformity. most remembered there was a topic, hard to find someone who knew it. my family knew i was weird before i did.

mon 10-13 warm, h said it was cold earlier, no traffic. was hoping the guy who puts sugar on the cranberry muffins would have the holiday off, did, got two. project winding down, need to be able to finish it. decided it's been long enough, bought peanut butter.

tue 10-14 overcast and dark. asked for beeper schedule at work. ghosts in bottles and souls as moths. dark when i got home at six, power failure. up babcock for food that i don't have to cook or get out of the fridge. noticed pizza place on corner. strange, none in coolidge corner. uno up harvard in allston, one at washington square, two down harvard in brookline village. everything else here, thai, greek, chinese, indian, florentine, donuts, bagels, mc d's, japanese, seafood, barfood, middle eastern. the french pastry shop closed. star did have sesame bagels this time, large and firm, stuffed in the back of the bin, but no peanut cookies, got beans and fresh italian bread. pizza slices and subs there, and design your own stir fry. outage for a few blocks, couple buildings lit, passed a power company truck and open manhole on the way up, truck, car, policeman, and another truck arriving on the way back. woman on stairs was startled, offered to stay with flashlight, had my own. reading adept by candle light. batteries for my cd player had corroded, had spares. couldn't get disc from other player, listened to von o's mozart songs. second time through tai chi always better. found some emptiness in meditation, darkness on the face of the waters. power back later.

wed 10-15 damp, then drier. almost done with flash of lightning. remembered h's oranges today. d solved network and cusor problems on emulator, about done. faces on comix again, nothing special. violet's getting stronger, element lad strange. tai chi after a week off, lots of small movements.

thu 10-16 clear air under high heavy overcast, leaves on the sidewalk, rain last night.

lunch at the japanese place near thornton's with d, j and h, our first time there, good and not too expensive, tempura box, sushi and teriyaki. ekg did not work with tcp till changed device type, trying to move focus from tool bar combo box to veiw on return, could not remember how to remove extra line feed in binary mode.

finished adept.

fri 10-17 clear finally. ten people and food. bach, gould, lewis, ma, stern, von otter, kirkby, sappho, blake, thoreau, co host feynman. to understand them better, hear their views of each other, and recover some of what was lost, to thank them for their help and patience. grilled shrimp, saffron rice, hot broc, peanut cookies, kabinett, and grilled chicken, roast red potatoes, zucchini and italian beans, carrot cake, ale.

d's last scheduled day, still trouble with combo bar, not that important. control character pass through fixed, dial up problem is with characters received, j working on it, copy and paste coded but not working yet. looks good.

lunch and sorento's with h l v k and d, shrimp scampi only available as appetizer at lunch, k had antipasto, very large left a lot, h reaching across table, picking at the olives, wouldn't put it in front of till plate was cleared. took some olives. v can't find things on the net, finds journals uninteresting. frozen palak aloo, indian, spinach without many potatoes, and rice, ok, and chili and lime chips for supper.

started seceond adept book, was descibed as good trash, depiction of magic consistent with paganism. find the rest formula, like when my borther and i compared the beginning of two early tom swift books. the inventor father, young hero with some mechanical device, loyal friend, eccentric dutchman and black cook who talk funny, introduced in the same order, evil rival and father. here the rich british noble with magical devices, young artist, gruff police detective, vague friends and stock characters, the black lodge. in other books, sometimes an unusual trait will be added to give the illusion of three dimensions. fell asleep, no meditation, tai chi form once earlier.

sat 10-18 memory of ducks, swimming around a bend in a stream, mallards brown and green, don't know if it's from a dream. when i was young the gaggle of us would troop down the long flight of stairs with stale bread to feed the ducks and swans. lived on a tidal river, wide cove between by two points, wooded ridge on the other side, west. one time there was a jelly donut and i ate it, p told, what if there had been rat poison. then we wouldn't have been feeding them to the swans, already knew better than to say it out loud.

out to see seven years in tibet. got blueberry and peach scones at at bread and circus, blueberry didn't rise enough, one i got there before was good, half the peach left till after. movie was better then i expected, didn't turn it into a love story, fragmented. x had said we're all supposed to be concerned about tibet, didn't say was, seemed tired of subject. plot to get us to accept china? don't have television. read a bunch of books on tibet, two germans were mentioned in more than one, all similar. only recent book is stranger in tibet about japanese zen monk, first foreigner in lhasa, seeking sacred texts preserved there, good. and flash of lightning, i've had the dalai lama's picture next to my bed.

set to go to harvard square when remembered i had a concert in somerville. crossing bu bridge crowd going the other way, head of the charles, field were i'd seen people playing rugby full of racing shells. looked in the big tent for a tee shirt with the different oars on it, booth that had it the only one crowded. don't like crowds. got sausage and peppers, not vegan. following faded jeans and brown leather jacket, short, showed up again later.

the square with time to kill, found books on tao and tantra at mcintyre and moore, didn't get carruth longer poems, have sleeping beauty. got to theater on time, muzsikas, hungarian, fire alarm after first two numbers, waited a bit then left, took t home. don't have water fountain at somerville theater, wanted juice, got off at star, peanut cookies, bagels, pineapple and orange, cider. clear and cool, moon past full between buildings. cider good, should only have gotten two cookies. hadn't worn pentacle.

sun 10-19 woke to crows, like when younger. finished flash of lightning. clouds, then overcast. few days ago, old man jogging, hunched over, yellow radio phones, goes around corner by the gap.

got the shirt, last year's, sort of gray, half circle of oars on front, more on back. don't like sports, have some sports tee shirts, tour de france, maui sting rays winter baseball, maui dive club. wandering among the rows of trailers with boats on racks, one team perched high facing the river. teams in circles on the grass the coaches talking. more women's teams than men's. oars by the fence, on rests like chop sticks, lined up like forks.

reading tantric quest, daniel odier, wrote diva, about not escaping freedom, total engagement like taoism and zen, without the filter of the mind, p 43

What does the worshiper do? He cleans the temple. How? By asking all who have been sitting there forever to leave so he can sweep, throw fresh water drawn from the river on the stones, scatter rose petals.. You see them, all seated, immobile, anchored in the ground, fossilized. They have been there for such a long time. They have loved you so much, given you so much, spared you so much.. stone-colored men.. All of society adores the monochrome of gray. Gray is the most widespead color. There are millions of varieties. Gray is the ideal color for social camouflage.
only two bagels, peanut butter, and juice today. wed b talked of keeping the arms forward, opening the back, seems to be working, feels like my back is full of snakes. von o's second sibelius disc, songs volume three, two was soprano, first listening.

mon 10-20 overcast, darker mornings, one crow on antenna of building next door, above the bricks, heat on more often.

will never understand visual c, can't take it apart and see how it works, i think it's a plot, manuals assume you already know, expect turotials, they assume you don't want to know, don't like microsoft. quest pp 72 101,

It's essential to feel the reality of the world in its entirety. Without that, any spiritual quest is illusory. To be entirelly present to each thing that crosses our consciousness, to our most banal and repetitive experiences, is the door to awakening.

following night.. crescent moon rose.

crescent moon can only rise near dawn. should just copy the whole thing. moon near third quarter, rising late behind the fire station. lack of progress.

tue 10-21 no sunlight till after meditation. the point within the heart shared by all being.

problem was not with the install, was with the release version, installed debug version for now. resisted buying a bagel on the way home, went out later, got two.

wed 10-22 sun on the buildings in back before in rises above the building in front. quest p 158

If beings weren't terrified, there would be no gods outside of the Self, no paths leading to them, no illusory progress, no metaphysics, no conceptualization of the divine.
in toronto a civic complex has absorbed four blocks, in the center is a garden and a street sign with the names of the streets that no longer cross. meditating this morning i came to the realization that i had forgotten to set the timer.

fire alarm again, this time at work, h realized it was for us, had to leave. didn't get much done.

liked the close up of scorn on adventures of superman. more death and violence in supergirl, main characters didn't do much in challengers, aquaman just a fight. these don't seem as interesting as before.

finished the first half of the short form, wu style tai chi. worked on the first part of last weeks stuff, still confused by second part and the new stuff. new session starts next week.

that quote can be taken two ways, if you don't pay attention to the word illusory. low energy day. don't know what's going on.

thu 10-23 ok, quest said to locate the center in the heart, did not list the top of the head as a chakra. i had been using the top of the head as the center, when i moved it to the heart everything closed up. moving it back is opening things up again. be careful, pay attention when you make changes. clear and sunny.

found the problem at work, couldn't solve it, need to work on fonts. cranberry muffin, three oranges for h. discovered genesis archive. cold, leaves yellow and brown.

to three quarters cup water add one half can pinto beans, salt, and marg, bring to boil. add one third package corn broc and peppers, pepper, half a half teaspoon of cumin, and cayenne, return to boil. add one half cup rice, stir and cover, set timer for seven minutes, when steam escapes, reduce to low. reduce to warm for seven minutes, off for seven minutes. uncover, stir, let stand seven minutes. serves one.

bought figs yesterday. finished tantra quest. von o, saint-saens, une flute invisible, three minutes three seconds.

fri 10-24 does time change sunday? clear, sun not risen. working on new movements. clouds later.

put back the ugly font, sizing needs work.

natalie macmaster at somerville theater with joel chiason, david macissac, and tom roach, no relation to max, very good. wish i could remember music without words. stupid paper wrist band like last week, it annoyed me, took it off. looking for food after, trader joe's closed, stop and shop open till midnight, chips, lemon hummus, coconut chocolate cookies. used to like nabisco, haven't seen them in years, excited when i found keebler's, not as good, or my tolerance for industrial food has dropped. wish i could find pog on the mainland, papaya orange guava, such a drink must have spiritual value. boots squeak, didn't want to buy new ones in the spring, have to now.

started tibetan book of the dead, fremantle, samhain on a new moon this year, much power.

sat 10-25 overcast, wet, rain earlier. h changed watch yesterday, changed mine this morning. meditation, if done right, is addicting, direct stimulation of the pleasure center of the brain.

bob's stores natick, herman survivors, waffle stompers, that pineapple orange carton didn't stand a chance. jeans, orange tee, stuff. got my dexters in maine five years ago, lasted well, i walk a lot, had hermans before, liked them. don't like shopping, bob's is ok, big, not crowded, route nine shopping centers, lots of parking. traffic on route nine, took the pike back. there are cities with worse traffic and parking than boston, but not many. not with worse drivers. bangkok with its growth spurt has terrible traffic, but the thai are a very civilized people. paris drivers are just rude, the police, with their uzis, are efficient. in boston the drivers are crazy and the police are worse than most. bought my crx, white, with moon roof, two years ago with 99,000 miles and it's now 105,000. don't watch television or read newspapers either.

started the journal a month ago, has gone better than expected, is doing what i wanted. learned i am obsessed with food. as a child was always hungry, and fat. writing getting easier, still messing up my head. am seeing things with words, can i turn it off and experience? words put things in boxes. and can i see past other's words, not to analyze their motives, but to what they are trying to say? a map can be a thing of beauty, but what i am interested in is the land. still think i am non verbal.

to teach a computer to talk like a person, you must first teach it to experience.

sun 10-26 clear and cold, bright blue sky, black branches, yellow leaves.

a man is not a dish, a woman is a dish.
leaves a million shades of red on the sidewalk.

getting used to the shoes, learning to walk
one is tight
feel the ground through the heels and soles.

two man scull is an insect approaching the bridge.

pigeons in the rugby field this week
a few people on benches.

the only signs of the park's former use a few small mounds
of earth and stone, remains of gun emplacements.

white geese on the water
two people and a dog playing.
across the river
bare branches, orange yellow and red brown leaves
cyclists
traffic on storrow drive
shipping trailers in the train yard
the pike elevated
bu.
two sculls walking down the river.
the mad poet by the picnic table
wishing for paper and pencil.

runners looking away.

more sculls, warmer. bu is boston university. memorial drive still being blocked for skaters. looking for a rain stick, don't find one. there is a bread and circus two blocks up from central square, haven't thought to stop there on my walks before, samosa, spiced potatoes and peas wrappped and fried, and a half onion stick.

star market, still no peanut cookies, two oarmeal raisin had slid off the tray and were being held up by the glass door, wondered if someone would notice and open the other door and catch them. bagels, biscuts and peaches, juice. woman in a white sweater in the dairy aisle.

middle of my back hurts, maybe it's the shoes.

mon 10-27 rain and wind.

don't know if i can finish this project, need to find out. only have net access at work, deleted inappropiate bookmarks. don't know what changes i've made, h said to sort files by date, helps. two inquires about living situations.

tue 10-28 woke at three am, read book of the dead for a while, heard someone in the stair well, seemed to have a lot of trash, managed to get another hour's sleep, dreams, she can recognize a hue of power, being chased, climbing snow, seemed like a story, trying out different scenes.

sun and cold, clouds and wind later. back better, leg still hurts, and now the other one too, like when a haven't been walking as much and start, different muscles, heels not worn on the outside like my old boots, should only be a few days.

progress on using buttons to increase and decrease the size of the emulator window, got stuck when i couldn't find the mfc functions i need.

surpised i haven't eaten all the hershey's miniatures i bought last week, half the eight ounce bag left. bought the reese's miniatures later, unopened so far.

wed 10-29 sky blue gray slate, sun through a layer of haze, yellow and green yellow leaves in back shining, false threat of storm.

help from d, found the functions i needed, buttons access the frame, size of characters not needed, use size of client area, fudge factors from window minus client area, works well. release version fixed by declaring string, who knows.

the faces are masks, jla disjointed, interesting, legion and others also confusing, feel like i missed a month, only one page of phase, always liked, was just dumped in the middle of things when first appeared, and coped, more about kindred in ravers.

couldn't tell this is a new tai chi session if not told, some of last weeks confusion resolved, new movement a little less confusing, shift right, turn left, brush knee. how to balance on a side channel still unclear.

thu 10-30 beeped twice this morning, learned something in the second. much sun.

thornton's with h, l, l and s, l wouldn't wait. six beers, too many, bunches of rollos, i think i agreed to go to jamaica. h says my middle name changed, may have shifted timelines again. trying to organize an updated version of the nutcracker with the king of the cockroaches, children's hospital, and dancing taxicabs, talk of relationships.

fri 10-31 sun, new moon. book of the dead pp 69 38n 71

O son of noble family, when projections appear like this do not be afraid. You have a mental body of unconscious tendencies, so even if you are killed and cut into pieces you cannot die. You are really the natural form of emptiness, so there is no need to fear. The Lords of Death too arise out of your own radiant mind, they have no solid substance. Emptiness cannot be harmed by emptiness. Be certain that the external peaceful and wrathful deities, the blood-drinking herukas, the animal-headed deities, the rainbow light, the terrifying forms of the Lords of Death and so on have no substantiality, they only arise out of the spontaneous play of your mind. If you understand this, all fear is naturally liberated, and merging inseparably you will become a buddha. If you recognise in this way, they are your yidams.

The yidam is a particular deity which represents the disciple's innate enlightened nature.

Even if it has been heard like this only once and the meaning not understood, in the bardo state the mind becomes nine times more clear, so then it will be remembered with not even a single word forgotten. Therefore it should be told to all during their life, it should be read at the bedside of all the sick, it should be read beside the bodies of all the dead, it should be spread far and wide.

sarvamangalam
four ducks swimming toward me between leaves, brown and yellow, muddy river from longwood.

worked on centering vt mode. thai for lunch, with j, h and v, which way around fens, green man, door wouldn't open, shrimp and asparagus, missing fork, j had fried ice cream, everything good. looked at red pepper in shaker, j tried it, nothing for five seconds, sensation spreads back along sides, doesn't hurt unless opens mouth, quality of pepper, high oil content, h and v tried it. flowers for e.

thornton's with same group, l as scully, red hair, handcuffs and phone, l as girl, brought my own candy, chocolate and beer vs peanut butter and beer, rule three remembered, s as priest, pictures with flash, smoke, too much, saved parking spot, the man who folded himself. trader joe's with h and l, case of wine, choosing beer, uncle and tm, h and n, wanted to see part three of homicide, rain, gingermen.

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